GreedyGirl
Pickled Onion
I`m a few hours late for our Fifth Day of Christmas (yes, I`m sorry and yes, there will be a Sixth Day of Christmas, later today). Unfortunately, I had to take my time today, hiring a bail bondsman and doing what was necessary to bail a bunch of Elves out of the Hollywood jail...at MY expense!
In order for you to understand how all this happened, you`ll need to see the ramblings of Deedeemoe which was sent to me, earlier in the day:
Hey, it`s not my fault!
Since you refused to let Santa stay at your place until the holiday chat this year, Santa said you told him that "I" was to house him (if I wanted to keep my job). You also gave him my phone number!!
This Santa-weirdo proceeded to call me non-stop asking when will his "suite" be ready. After his constant hounding and belligerent threats of getting me fired, I finally broke down and told Santa he could sleep on the floor in my den.
About 45 minutes later I hear the dreaded knock of "the house guest" on my door (more like pounding, kicking and scratching). I almost didn`t open it. When I did, this Stinky guy in a dirty red suit and only one shoe literally falls into the room and yelling "Where`s my HO HO HO?".
I immediately thought to myself "No job is worth putting up w/ this guy, I`m just gonna have to kick this Santa out, job or no job"! But before I could do anything, a troop of little green guys come piling through the door walking right over Santa and proceeded to take over the apartment! Apparently, Santa brought his `elf posse` along.
Now I realize that the trouble`s only just started.
First off, I realized all too quickly that hiding the liquor behind the canned goods in the bottom cupboard was a big mistake... the elves, being so short, quickly found where I hid the booze. The whole rest of the afternoon my place was turned into "Party Central". The stereo blasted out `gramma got run over by a reindeer` while the elves went wild dancing around and loudly singing along with the music, and peeing in the potted plants on my balcony.
Santa finally got up off the floor and started singing louder than the elves, & dancing too. He kept falling down and blamed his poor balance on his missing shoe. That`s when he started yelling "Hey... where`s Rudolph? That #@%$!! Rudolph ate my boot! Where the hell is my boot! That #@#%$! reindeer owes me a new pair of boots!"
After he got himself all worked up about his missing shoe, then forgetting what he was yelling about, but still being worked up, he decides to start in yelling at me: "Hey you... ditzymoe.. ya you Ditzymoeeee!!... your boss GrinchyGirl told me I would be paid up front. I want my money! Come on Ditzymamma, gimme my money and some sugar for Santa`s cocoa heh heh". He wanted his pay in advance and thought I was the one who was gonna pay him! Sheesh!
Between Santa hanging all over me and those elves trying to pinch me, I was starting to get real fed up with my situation. It was at about this time that the elves, having long since finishing off my booze started talking about ordering out for more alcohol and pizza as they wanted to "settle in" & watch the football game on tv. Oh no no, I just couldn`t have that! I gotta try to sober everybody up and figure a way to get rid of these guys! I know! I suggested we all go around the corner to the local coffee house for a few dozen espressos. I was thinking I could get them outta my house, pour some coffee into them, then point out the way to a cheap hotel for them. Ya, that`s the ticket!
They didn`t like the idea so much at first, but when I told them that the cafe served marshmallows in their hot cocoa and they changed their minds and all wanted to go. How clever I am I thought to myself as I rounded the corner w/ Santa and his posse.. only a half a block more to go and I`ll be out of the mess I`m in!
That`s when the trouble REALLY, REALLY started.
I am such a fool.
I completely forgot that there was a cocktail lounge two doors down from the coffee house! Of course... they dragged me into the bar with them instead... sigh. Santa called out as they all bellied up to the bar "Drinks for everybody! Put it on Dittzymoe`s tab!" Within a heartbeat the joint started jumping with the elves taking over the place, hanging from the chandeliers, drinking customer`s drinks when they weren`t looking, standing under open beer spigots and guzzling down beer by the gallon and all sorts of drunken elf stuff. When the ladies complained to to bartender that the elves kept trying to pinch them, the elves were told to pay their bill and leave immediately. The elves told the owner that Ditzymoe was gonna pay the bill and just continued to get rowdier. They even gave the bouncer a hot foot when he tried to toss them out.
About this time I heard sirens in the distance... uh oh. They were getting closer. The next thing I know is the cops came storming in! I ran and hid in the ladies room while the police rounded up Santa and his posse and tossed them into the paddy wagon. All the time I could hear the bartender calling out "hey who`s gonna pay for all the drinks and what about all this damage? Where`s this Ditzymoe? Santa you come back here! Who`s gonna pay the bill? Tell me where Ditzymoe is!"
That was enough for me brother! I scrambled out the ladies room window and took the alley back to my place! Santa and the elves are in the Hollywood Jail. Greedy, if you want to bail them out it`s up to you. I wash my hands of the whole mess and will be hiding under the bed!
Geeze, Deeds--I`ve been dealing with these stupid Elves and Drunk Santa for more years than I can count. You`ve had a couple days with them and I now have to shell out bail money and have your rear end extracted from under your bed...
DAY FIVE OF GONEGAMBLING`S TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS GIFT IS...
Since you had to endure all of this drunken nonsense, I`VE made the decision (not those stupid Elves!) to give you something really GREAT today! How does a couple of Bonus GetLucky`s sound?!?
LAST BUT NOT LEAST
Only a few days left to pester you about our Annual Holiday Chat with Drunk Santa, Sunday, December 20th, from 1PM, EST to 3PM, EST. Hope you`ll be joining us for all the holiday cheer and madness!!!
Enjoy Day Five and as always, win BIG!!!
Greedygirl
In order for you to understand how all this happened, you`ll need to see the ramblings of Deedeemoe which was sent to me, earlier in the day:
Hey, it`s not my fault!
Since you refused to let Santa stay at your place until the holiday chat this year, Santa said you told him that "I" was to house him (if I wanted to keep my job). You also gave him my phone number!!
This Santa-weirdo proceeded to call me non-stop asking when will his "suite" be ready. After his constant hounding and belligerent threats of getting me fired, I finally broke down and told Santa he could sleep on the floor in my den.
About 45 minutes later I hear the dreaded knock of "the house guest" on my door (more like pounding, kicking and scratching). I almost didn`t open it. When I did, this Stinky guy in a dirty red suit and only one shoe literally falls into the room and yelling "Where`s my HO HO HO?".
I immediately thought to myself "No job is worth putting up w/ this guy, I`m just gonna have to kick this Santa out, job or no job"! But before I could do anything, a troop of little green guys come piling through the door walking right over Santa and proceeded to take over the apartment! Apparently, Santa brought his `elf posse` along.
Now I realize that the trouble`s only just started.
First off, I realized all too quickly that hiding the liquor behind the canned goods in the bottom cupboard was a big mistake... the elves, being so short, quickly found where I hid the booze. The whole rest of the afternoon my place was turned into "Party Central". The stereo blasted out `gramma got run over by a reindeer` while the elves went wild dancing around and loudly singing along with the music, and peeing in the potted plants on my balcony.
Santa finally got up off the floor and started singing louder than the elves, & dancing too. He kept falling down and blamed his poor balance on his missing shoe. That`s when he started yelling "Hey... where`s Rudolph? That #@%$!! Rudolph ate my boot! Where the hell is my boot! That #@#%$! reindeer owes me a new pair of boots!"
After he got himself all worked up about his missing shoe, then forgetting what he was yelling about, but still being worked up, he decides to start in yelling at me: "Hey you... ditzymoe.. ya you Ditzymoeeee!!... your boss GrinchyGirl told me I would be paid up front. I want my money! Come on Ditzymamma, gimme my money and some sugar for Santa`s cocoa heh heh". He wanted his pay in advance and thought I was the one who was gonna pay him! Sheesh!
Between Santa hanging all over me and those elves trying to pinch me, I was starting to get real fed up with my situation. It was at about this time that the elves, having long since finishing off my booze started talking about ordering out for more alcohol and pizza as they wanted to "settle in" & watch the football game on tv. Oh no no, I just couldn`t have that! I gotta try to sober everybody up and figure a way to get rid of these guys! I know! I suggested we all go around the corner to the local coffee house for a few dozen espressos. I was thinking I could get them outta my house, pour some coffee into them, then point out the way to a cheap hotel for them. Ya, that`s the ticket!
They didn`t like the idea so much at first, but when I told them that the cafe served marshmallows in their hot cocoa and they changed their minds and all wanted to go. How clever I am I thought to myself as I rounded the corner w/ Santa and his posse.. only a half a block more to go and I`ll be out of the mess I`m in!
That`s when the trouble REALLY, REALLY started.
I am such a fool.
I completely forgot that there was a cocktail lounge two doors down from the coffee house! Of course... they dragged me into the bar with them instead... sigh. Santa called out as they all bellied up to the bar "Drinks for everybody! Put it on Dittzymoe`s tab!" Within a heartbeat the joint started jumping with the elves taking over the place, hanging from the chandeliers, drinking customer`s drinks when they weren`t looking, standing under open beer spigots and guzzling down beer by the gallon and all sorts of drunken elf stuff. When the ladies complained to to bartender that the elves kept trying to pinch them, the elves were told to pay their bill and leave immediately. The elves told the owner that Ditzymoe was gonna pay the bill and just continued to get rowdier. They even gave the bouncer a hot foot when he tried to toss them out.
About this time I heard sirens in the distance... uh oh. They were getting closer. The next thing I know is the cops came storming in! I ran and hid in the ladies room while the police rounded up Santa and his posse and tossed them into the paddy wagon. All the time I could hear the bartender calling out "hey who`s gonna pay for all the drinks and what about all this damage? Where`s this Ditzymoe? Santa you come back here! Who`s gonna pay the bill? Tell me where Ditzymoe is!"
That was enough for me brother! I scrambled out the ladies room window and took the alley back to my place! Santa and the elves are in the Hollywood Jail. Greedy, if you want to bail them out it`s up to you. I wash my hands of the whole mess and will be hiding under the bed!
Geeze, Deeds--I`ve been dealing with these stupid Elves and Drunk Santa for more years than I can count. You`ve had a couple days with them and I now have to shell out bail money and have your rear end extracted from under your bed...
DAY FIVE OF GONEGAMBLING`S TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS GIFT IS...
Since you had to endure all of this drunken nonsense, I`VE made the decision (not those stupid Elves!) to give you something really GREAT today! How does a couple of Bonus GetLucky`s sound?!?
LAST BUT NOT LEAST
Only a few days left to pester you about our Annual Holiday Chat with Drunk Santa, Sunday, December 20th, from 1PM, EST to 3PM, EST. Hope you`ll be joining us for all the holiday cheer and madness!!!
Enjoy Day Five and as always, win BIG!!!
Greedygirl
I can dream! lol