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Message: <blockquote data-quote="escortsu" data-source="post: 1476" data-attributes="member: 227">Wow a very inspiring story. I actually can understand, I too suffered a fall and the meds and the nerves injured have affected my "normal" life, sadly just as I was about to begin an olnine college credit accelerated course and begin training in a new field very different from anything I have ever attempted, and I am unsure if I can do the required steps to get there, and over 50 years old  as well. As most people enter the field under 32.  It would be no guarantee. This is scary. After my injury my handwriting has become practically unreadable. I also have memory problems sometimes, which is a side effect  of the nerve drugs.  I have a lot of pain in my back. and had a spinal fusion 25 years ago which is now aggrevated and needs the hardware removed.  UGH!!!  I also have 3 herniated discs.  I am stuck with the pain pretty much foever. This really can make a person not want to do anything.  You get tired of telling the story, and tired of living it.  Depression is yet another aspect of a post major injury situation sometimes.  It sounds to me as if you are kind  of past a lot of the worst of the injury, which is how I feel about myself. I sometimes forget to"be present" in my life, instead of waiting for  that thing later on.  Or regrets for not having accomplished much. No children so I am driven to leave something behind that shows I was here. Perhaps this is a good thing. Maybe your desire to create art is similar to mine in a sense.So I applaud you for what you have gone thru and you are still standing and are driven to create...  Its like fate is telling you that nothing is gonna keep you down. Maybe some of your best work is yet to come.  In that thought, I myself, have a little hope, as I too have an artistic side which really needs some structure and some basic learning. Sorry your course wasn't very good.  Even though I am unsure of your age, or location, I have some info which may be of some use to you.   One day on television or somewhere I heard about some free PDF booklet, ( my HD died so I couldn't find the actual name sorry) I found  this ebook  called something like "freebies for people over 50"  and I was delighted to learn that most Universitys and Local colleges offer a different path to a full degree if one wants or freedom to just take what ever courses they offer. Usually free or very very cheap.In addition to  normal school sessions and online courses,  they also  the ability to audit classes,  ( attend and learn but not actually enroll ),  ind an unlimited capacity. Basically they allow people to attend every class like an enrolled student and learn the same things but not as a registereand  student.  So I am thinking art classes would likely be awesome, and  you certainly do not need a degree to create art. The biggest plus for me is that over 50 in the Continues Life Studies program ( again not positive if this is the actual name wording) ,there are no basic requirements, like math or english classes and no homework and no fees usually. Again for me this was the biggest plus! On the outside chance you might find it interesting to know~There is a very good summer  course program for really anyone, as it is offered to all ages.This program is at Oxford College in England.  Its not expensive considering what is included, and they do offer scholarships. I hope to try to attend some of their Art History courses next summer. The 2 week course I want to do is $1250. Even if I don't get a scholarship, this is a fair price for the experience I think They have a live-in summer program that offers courses in 1, 2 3 or 4 week class groupings with a set curriculum which allows you to choose what you want to learn.  I know there are  quite a few  Art related courses, I am unsure if they have  Art as in actually producing artwork like paintings or not. But the neat thing is you get to live in at the Dorms, eat in the Great Hall and attend classes on many subjects and lectures by some of the top Scholars and Educators.   I have been looking into Art History courses, as I happen to have a famous  painter in my family. My Great Grand Uncle Hans von Bartels. Hans was considered an important impressionist because he  was the first impressionist to mix paint mediums, using water color with oils. My intention is to study about him if possible at Oxford, because they have some published papers about him, which to date, has been the only wource of info I have ever found that wasn't a copy and paste of the same information/Hans' information regarding his background was published in 1913  by Encyclopedia Brittanica and sadly they got the wrong birth record and almost all information that is found  anywhere, states ver batim the same misinformation.  At first I thought perhaps my grandfather was mistaken about him, i have since learned my grandpa was his favorite nephew.  I have also used the art auction site thumbnails as a source to collect photos of his works.  He actually studied and taught painting in Germany and Holland etc.  I hope to correct the misinformation and discuss his subject studies in a book or paper about him.  After finding some paintings I had no doubt this was a relative, as there are paintings of people whom are my family, though no one would know this based on the names.  (i.e., Old Couple by the Hearth"  this is a painting of Hans father or grandfather. I know because he looks exactly like my own grandpa. The subtle way he captures how the old man holds his feet, the big ears, the profile of the old man, the old woman sewing.....  it was amazing to find a photo of. Another is "Study of a Man Croutching"  hans loved to paint men croutching... sounds weird to type it, but the men in my family do this...  well my dad did, and my sisters son, the spitting image of one of the men croutching, and spitting image of my father. Its almost erie to see a painting from late 1800's that could pass for my 35 yr old nephew today. Having a photograhic memory I could actually compare the images in my head. This pose he captures I have many photos of my dad doing the same thing. Anyway I am sorry I strayed off point a little,  I tend to do that.  The point is that you could probably attend some university art classes either free or cheap and find accellerated courses using the summer programs, if attending classes for a long time might be difficult. So I urge you to take as many courses as you can to  offer yourself some choices in styles and basics. I would imagine a poorly taught course would not offer much inspiration.  If nothing else start going to museums and studying the various styles of painting. Not necessarily  the content, if you have limited resources availalbe or don't like the close by museum paintings.  At least you can see their brush strokes and maybe through that you might be able to learn what you want to.  Also I remember years ago beginner painting classes on PBS there are always classes on and  many are of the Arts and Artists. I imagine the online courses could be another option. After reading your story, I realized I too have somehow let my artistic side be put on hold. I write poety, and  song lyrics,  I have a talent for  writing poetry that as a  published writer friend of mine once said " The words you write, leap off of the paper, I have been writing over 25 years, I could never do what you can do. Writers wait their entire life to be able to do that"   Coming from this person, who is very serious about writing and certainly doesn't offer complements very often, actually quite the contrary, as he is brutally honest. He is a perfectionist and would never blow smoke up my *ss. This was a major boost to my confidence.  Confidence was always a weakness for me, though I hid it well most of my life.  To me my poems are mostly rhymes of heart breaks or loss.  My Bi-Polar mental days, as I call them sometimes have me thinking in rhymes. I like poetry because its very easy for me.  I think I over write everything else. I def talk way tooo much  .... the above long reply... case in point!Maybe you could post a picture of one of your faves!Keep up the momentum and if you need a little boost, post here. It seems we are a family here that cares about people and seeing your post here shows that you trust us enough to share. This is literally the only place I ever post or read, well one other place too.  Something about this site just makes me feel comfortable enough to share.Kudo's to your Dr for the good sense to take you up on your offer to part with your works. I feel like I am inspired.   Thank you!~Annie</blockquote>

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