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MONSTER Newsletter - 4/21/2016

GreedyGirl

Pickled Onion
Last weekend, I sent off a GetLucky mailing to everyone. In it, I mentioned there would be a newsletter going off today (and as you can see, there is) and I also mentioned that there would be an 'exciting event' today.

When I wrote that, the plan was just to fire up the WinADay Sweepstakes machine, but now it would appear that there's even more to get you fired up about.

Before I explain further, I must tell you about something really bizarre. When I got to work this morning there was a brown envelope on my desk with a note in it. The note read "If you know what is good for you you will meet me down at the pond in the morning. Bring $500 cash in unmarked notes". It was signed by the GoneGambling Duck. You remember the duck? He writes the newsletters when I'm away sometimes. Anyway, I have no idea what this is about. I'll let you know just as soon as I find out.

TRUTH IS STRANGER THAN FICTION

Last Sunday, this familiar old stranger came into our chatroom. His name vaguely rang a bell: John - I went back into the recesses of my mind and I seemed to recall this is the guy I USED to work with, who USED to own GoneGambling, back in the day. Geeze, that was so long ago.

Apparently, he was dropping by chat to spam, er, drum up some business for his latest venture, which is some sort of hobble stuck in the middle-of-nowhere in Australia. Seems he's pitched a tent on a piece of land and is claiming it to be a great place to stay for travelers. Of course, everyone in chat was from the U.S., so not so sure how much biz he got out of his pitch.

Anyhow, as he was crying about how much money he spent on building this tent, it became clear: John was as we say here in the States, 'dry-begging.' I felt bad for the guy, after all, he DID give me my start in this business more than a decade and a half ago. Knowing he had a family and a gaggle of geese or ducks or something he had to feed, I dug into my wallet to give the guy a handout. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking about the old Chinese proverb, 'Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.' I quickly returned the quarter I pulled from my wallet and instead offered employment to my former employer.

From my perspective, this was actually a moment of brilliance on my part. It's no secret that I'm not a webmaster and I possess little or no webmaster skills, so things have become a bit unkempt around GG. Additionally, I've been stuck into some consulting work for several months now, which has limited the time I've had to give to GG. It terrorizes me to utter these words, but bringing the Ol' Suckwad back could quite literally be the answer to my prayers (and I don't even pray).

After some fairly brutal negotiating (I have the bruises to prove it!), John and I finally came to an agreement. I initially offered him the same deal I had with him: Two cents a day and all the water he could drink. John refused, claiming something about him not being thirsty and inflation. I doubled the offer and he still refused. Finally, I gave him what likely seemed like a great deal, however, I've yet to tell him the number I gave him would be paid in Pesos.

I'm nervously happy to say that the OG of GG has now returned (he's actually been quietly working away since Tuesday!) and maybe, just maybe we'll be able to bring back a bit of the 'good ol' days.'

And without further adieu...

FROM THE TENT OF JOHN ABBOTT

Greedygirl ordered me to send this newsletter so I have seen what she has written above. Is she off her medication again? Having seen what she has written, I'm taking this opportunity to tell you guys the real story about my part-time return to GoneGambling. She will probably revoke my admin privileges once she reads this. Can you believe the crap she has written? She may as well have just said "He begged me and begged me to come back and finally I just gave in coz I couldn't stand his crying." What a load of crap!

Before I tell you the real story, it would be remiss of me not to congratulate Greedygirl on getting married. To be completely honest, I didn't think she would ever get married and I told her so. Seriously? Who would have her? How was I to know that she would buy a ticket in an old ladies raffle where third prize was a guy with no sense of sight, hearing or smell?

So there I was, in GG Sunday is Funday chat, minding my own business when I stumbled over Greedygirl laying on the floor in a disheveled state having apparently just had a round of bed athletics with her new hubby. It shouldn't have surprised me really. I heard on the grape vine that on several occasions poor Bryan Bailey had had the misfortune to discover Greedy and her new hubby rolling around on the floor behind the GetLucky game. Rumor has it their tongues were tied in a reef knot!

And here's another thing - I don't believe for one minute all that rubbish Greedygirl has been telling you guys about her dental problems. If she does have dental problems, I reckon the truth is that her new hubby sucked a few of her fillings out during one of their bouts of passion. Yuk! I have just painted an image in my mind that I'll be weeks getting rid of.

Anyway, when Greedy spotted me in chat, she almost dropped her bottle of booze in shock. You should have seen her. Rolling on the floor wearing a sweater that was stained with vomit sporting a slogan of "I want to HUMP TRUMP". It was disgusting.

Greedy hollered up at me from the floor that she wanted my phone number coz she was going home to phone me in about 30 minutes time. I dunno why she couldn't just talk to me there and then in chat, but she seemed to have an urgent desire to go home. OK I said, and I asked the members in chat not to look as I gave Greedy our new phone number. As expected, 3 hours later I was still sitting by the phone waiting for the call. Eventually she phoned. I reckon she had crossed the border into Mexico so that she could make a cheaper phone call. Otherwise, she probably had to sober up or have more sex or something before she phoned - I dunno.

So Greedy asked how I was and of course she didn't even bother waiting for a response.

Greedy said that she had a bit of work to be done on the site and that she felt I was well qualified to do it. I was certainly interested in earning some extra cash. I'm trying to get myself a girlfriend but it isn't easy with the Ball and Chain controlling the finances. I wanted payment in US Dollars but Greedy advised against it. Greedy said she would find a currency that is far better value for me than than US Dollars. It sounded good to me so we moved on to talking about the work she needed doing.

I suggested to Greedy that I should have a title befitting my new position at GoneGambling. I suggested 'GG Supreme Commander Extraordinaire'. Greedy felt that because the job was mainly cleaning up old text on pages on the GoneGambling site, the title of 'Janitor' was a far better fit for me.

Greedy said that I could keep the user name of JOHN because it now stood for 'Janitor On Hand Now'. According to Greedy, I'm supposed to just hover on the site wherever a crowd has gathered and discreetly swoop in to clean up any spilled drinks or dropped GG points.

So, because I'm poor and I need the job, it looks like I'm the new GG Janitor.

According to Greedygirl, the new pecking order on the site goes something like this:

  • Greedygirl
  • GAIA
  • Deedeemoe
  • The Duck
  • Any tech guy called in to work on the site.
  • The Members
  • The Janitor (JOHN - Janitor On Hand Now).

Greedy said that if I'm really good she will sometimes let me in to towards the end of the Sunday is Funday chat. It will give me a chance to start cleaning up the rubbish early.

WinADay SWEEPSTAKES ARE HERE!!!

I promised you something exciting and I believe I'm fulfilling my promise this week.

It's time for a WinADay Sweepstakes, so round up your GG's and start buying your entries. Each entry will only cost a measly one GG and with that, you could potentially win $500 in WinADay cash! Buy more entries and win even MORE WinADay cash! Not to mention, plenty of GG prizes are up for grabs.

Just don't forget, in order to win the WinADay casino cash, you must have made a minimum $50 deposit within the past 30 days PRIOR to the Sweeps going off. Believe me - we've had some pretty darned sad winners who received nada, zip, zilch because they forgot to make their deposit before the completion of the Sweepstakes. I'd hate to see that happen to you.

TOURNAMENT NEWS

We're just two short weeks away from our next Tournament Triathlon. The May Triathlon will elevate the Bounty to staggering heights: 8 MILLION GG's and $800 in iNetBet casino cash! Both our GG Bankers and the folks at iNetBet are shaking in their boots, fearing one of our members will do the impossible - be the First Place winner in both of the Individual Tournaments and be on the First Place crew in the Team Tournament. The anticipation is building!

In the meantime, get your Tournament work-outs in this weekend with the following two Tournaments:

  • MOON ROCKET Tournament for Individuals - begins Friday, 1AM, EDT
  • EARTHQUAKE Team Tournament - begins Saturday, 1AM, EDT

Each Tournament runs three days.

Remember: Always play nice with others and absolutely NO running with scissors.

Good luck!

SUNDAY IS FUNDAY CHAT

As you probably know, we tried a little experiment to get more of our members located outside of the North American time zones involved in chat. While on the odd occasion we would see some foreign folks dropping by, having the time of chat change weekly was becoming far-too-confusing for most members...not to mention, Deedeemoe really hates getting up early on Sundays.

To compromise a bit on this, we're changing things up some. We will now hold the early chat, once a month, on the same Sunday when our Tournament Triathlon is running. In other words, the first Sunday of the month, we will hold chat at the earlier time, which is 1PM - 5PM, EDT. All other chats (unless we notify you) will continue on at their original time, being 6 - 10PM, EDT, beginning this very Sunday.

You may even see John in chat. :crazy:

Hope to see you this Sunday!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

All kidding aside, having John back is genuinely great news. I'm swallowing my pride a bit to say that GoneGambling has always been the most entertaining when he's around - and it also allows me to carry on with the actual 'business' of GG, which admittedly, I've drifted too far from.

I'm re-energized, excited and truly looking forward to what the future has in store for GoneGambling. With John Abbott around, we certainly know it will be interesting.

Have a wonderful week and as always, win BIG!

Greedygirl

P.S. GoneGambling: Your gambling adventure starts here...

John aka The Janitor :cry:
 

Jas2587

Pickled Onion
well damn I am at a loss for words John he probably has only 1 hair now if he is lucky 2 teeth
kinda excited cough cough

we shall see
 

John

Fried Onion
Are you still alive Jas?

Are you still alive Jas?

well damn I am at a loss for words John he probably has only 1 hair now if he is lucky 2 teeth
kinda excited cough cough

we shall see

I'm sure Greedygirl told me you were dead - or was that what she was wishing for? I can't remember now.

Anyway, I'm pleased to see that you are still alive Jas. Even if Greedygirl isn't!
 

John

Fried Onion
G'day MrsBuda

G'day MrsBuda

YAY!!!!!!!!!!

YAY! is just what my new girlfriend yells out when I'm doinking her.

I have just looked at my three responses to these posts and already I seem to have lowered the tone of the forum. I'll have to get a grip on myself - that should be fun!

I hope Greedygirl doesn't see what I have written. I'll probably get the boot.
 

Jas2587

Pickled Onion
I'm sure Greedygirl told me you were dead - or was that what she was wishing for? I can't remember now.

Anyway, I'm pleased to see that you are still alive Jas. Even if Greedygirl isn't!

oh John you still have your wits about you guess your brain has not completely died
I have you know I am a angel at GG I have a halo and all wings tooo
 

wendy

Pickled Onion
John Back maybe you can help get the random game started again and perhaps some new

John Back maybe you can help get the random game started again and perhaps some new

Welcome back John. t
 

thomasina

Pickled Onion
Wekcine back John

Wekcine back John

Joined GG when you were running it. Tried to locate you once but obviously you were holed up in a cave in the great Aust. outback!!
Maybe you can fix the GG Point Jackpot which has 1220 gg points to sinfully for past few days/months/years.:wine:
 
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laceysoft

Pickled Onion
Welcome back Mr. John.....so happy to have you back so I can harass your ass haha...........Now John....answer me one question....shall I behave with you or no!!!!!!! God I am gonna have soooooooo much fun lmao!!!
 
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John

Fried Onion
GG Game Problems

GG Game Problems

Joined GG when you were running it. Tried to locate you once but obviously you were holed up in a cave in the great Aust. outback!!
Maybe you can fix the GG Point Jackpot which has 1220 gg points to sinfully for past few days/months/years.:wine:

Hi Wendy and Thomasina. Sorry, the game problems are a tech guys department. I don't have a clue what to do about them. Greedygirl is looking for someone with expertise. Our tech guy Jeff got himself a Taxi business.

What I will do over the next week is remove some of the prizes from the games that are now not valid. I have already removed the entries to the Random Prize Draw and the Onion Racing Bets that can be won on Cash Salad Slot. Neither of those games are working so it isn't fair to you guys to allow you to win prizes that aren't valid.

When Greedygirl isn't looking I'll also loosen up some of the games for 30 minutes or so and give you guys a better chance of winning the GG Points. I'll let you know when I am going to do that by posting in the Forum or telling you in chat.
 

John

Fried Onion
Who Said Lap Dance?

Who Said Lap Dance?

Ok John...I see how this goes......you can't say hi to me......what do I have to do to give ya a lap dance???????

Hi Lacey, I want more than a lap dance. When you get to my age and you forget what most of your bits are for, it would be nice to have a nymphomaniac on hand as a constant reminder of what they are for and to give them a frequent work out.
 

GreedyGirl

Pickled Onion
Uh, John and lacey--get a room.

I'm getting a bit creeped out by all this (as are the other members, I'm quite sure). :puke::puke::puke:
 

laceysoft

Pickled Onion
Sorry John...we can't creep the other members out or Deb....we will have to wait till Christmas when drunk ol' Santa comes in chat to say such things ....gotta behave now!!!! Geez your here one week and we stirred things up already.. :D:D
 
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